I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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