weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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