I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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