If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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