glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
