I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
