I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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