Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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