my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
