I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
