Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
