so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
