the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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