I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
