Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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