We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
