Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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