Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't think brook has ever known best
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
