He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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