you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
