Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
