You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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