Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
