508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
