Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
