what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.