I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
