so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
