I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
