So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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