he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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