matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
420 ftw
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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