Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
