I want you more than these girls want KFC
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
