I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night