okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years