Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
