Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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  (601): Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed http://tfl.nu/n1gm
  Replies (83) Good night (1151) Bad night (4820)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.

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  (303): He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal. http://tfl.nu/7xt6
  Replies (9) Good night (3019) Bad night (1080)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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  (570): Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well. http://tfl.nu/plf2
  Replies (6) Good night (1445) Bad night (1159)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single

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  (970): Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single http://tfl.nu/1weq
  Replies (12) Good night (2583) Bad night (978)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.

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  (201): Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain. http://tfl.nu/l4y5
  Replies (11) Good night (2714) Bad night (1463)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Found the puke drawer

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  (910): Found the puke drawer http://tfl.nu/lcvb
  Replies (6) Good night (518) Bad night (1765)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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  (202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn
  Replies (2) Good night (2291) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (+81): View more from

  I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?

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  (+81): I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing? http://tfl.nu/61om
  Replies (4) Good night (754) Bad night (381)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.

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  (803): I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me. http://tfl.nu/5d5j
  Replies (3) Good night (2086) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??

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  (580): Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come?? http://tfl.nu/rcqs
  Replies (7) Good night (1188) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away

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  (760): Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away http://tfl.nu/rpjr
  Replies (1) Good night (1029) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.

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  (636): They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited. http://tfl.nu/jbhp
  Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.

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  (303): Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/f3lh
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding

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  (916): I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding http://tfl.nu/cejl
  Replies (3) Good night (1024) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.

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  (732): We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best. http://tfl.nu/2ism
  Replies (3) Good night (392) Bad night (522)

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