The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dating After Heartbreak
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just gargled with NyQuil
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.