he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
