Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you inspire me to be a worse person
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.