Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.