you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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