why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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