What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
