these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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