i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
