I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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