guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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