If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
