I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
