Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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