Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
