your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
