I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
