You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.