I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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