Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater