Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
