i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
