I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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