ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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