Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
two words: eviction party
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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