Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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