Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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