At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
