the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sext me about skeletons
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
