dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sober January is a disaster.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
