I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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