Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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