I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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